I read a blog entry on someone else’s blog wondering if a friendship would continue once kids came along ~ or more to the point, if that friend didn’t like her child….
I can answer that question.
I have a child who grew up with no real friends. He was not popular with his peers and as I have said many times, he was bullied and tormented until I took him out of traditional school in grade 8.
The phone never rang for him. No one ever knocked on the door to play with him. He disrupted my time when people visited our home. He interrupted my phone calls constantly.
He annoys people. I had to accept that many moons ago ~ more like years, actually. I can’t make people like him as much as I want to! and he has the sort of personality that can get on one’s nerves very fast. His obsessive talk about HIS favourite subjects (wrestling and movies/tv shows) wears a person down in a very short period of time.
I had to tell him that many people will not like him and that is okay. I have told many people I know they don’t like him and that, that is okay too. Once in a blue moon he will accompany me when I visit people but more often than not he doesn’t.
I have friends who do not particularily like my child. I accept this and work around it. I get together with them away from my home and we do things out “there”. It has to be a very special event to have people in at our home because our son becomes disruptive as he cannot handle the change in routine. We usually end up sending him to his room and monitoring his choice of words and sentences….
Of course my wish is for everyone to love my children ~ don’t most parents have that wish? It is a struggle to have one that rubs people the wrong way, to have people not invite him or include him… but it is a balancing act that I accept and respect.
I don’t like everyone either. There are kids out there who rub ME the wrong way and frankly, it would be nice to visit the parent away from the shark circling around our legs, looking for attention.
It depends on what you are willing to forgo and what you relax about. For those who think the sun rises and sets on their children, they will probably drift away from people and friends who don’t agree with spending adult time with the little darlings. For those who have their feet planted on the ground and a bit of sensibility about them, the answer is yes.
We can be friends if you don’t like my child. We’ll have to shuffle a little while we find the niche that works for us… where we meet, what we do and what we talk about… but these friendships fill a need or a void and can be just as fulfilling as any other.
Flexibility and acceptance. It’ll carry you a long way.