It has been a bit of a teary day for me today.

I just found a little package on the counter for me that John got from our mail. At first I thought Crap! Don’t tell me I’m shopping in my sleep now! I did not remember ordering anything from that company on the return address!

So I opened the little parcel and guess what I found inside? This:

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Look closer:
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There is no note, no card, no email; in fact nothing to tell me of the sender. Of course that teary moment turned into a tear or two. It expresses my devotion to my kids and on this of all days, it seemed most appropriate.

This is a tough week as I realized I need to leave my job for an extended absence. Mathew cries when I leave him. He holds my hand and begs me not to go. He whispers that he can’t do his cancer treatment without me. When he sees me his face lights up and he’ll wake up through the worst times and thank me for being there. I cry when I have to leave him when he’s sick. And he’s very sick. I am unable to concentrate on my work, feel overwhelmed and wonder how I will get through each day. I worry about what is happening with Mathew and if he is crying. There are too many times when one tear silently runs down his cheek, his fingers worry a blanket and he tells me he just can’t deal with me leaving. He doesn’t want to wake up in the morning because I won’t be there. My heart shatters every time I walk away from him.

I am so very grateful for an understanding and supportive employer and workplace. I was in another situation, with another employer, back a few years ago now where that employer made my life hell. This time, these people walked me through all the options open to me and made sure I had all the information to make the best decision for me. I feel terribly guilty for leaving them on such short notice; I’m there for just a few days until I can turn portions of my job over to others who will support me in my absence (they might grumble but those ladies are the BEST and they have my back). When I return, and I will as soon as I can, I will once more be able to focus on my job and fulfill my obligations with the energy and zest I had until Mathew was stricken with cancer.

So, how fitting and beautiful the necklace. Thank you to whomever (and I think I know who it is… xoxox) sent me a gift to show my heart, not on my sleeve, but around my neck.

As a side note, Mathew does his 1 day out-patient chemo treatment tomorrow. All of his blood counts spiked back up and although he is not ready in spirit, his body is. He dreads this treatment because it makes him feel the sickest. He and I will miss the annual xmas parade at Harry and Christine’s this coming Saturday. Their home is next to the main route for our xmas parade and let me tell you, for a small place I am amazed at the great parade put on! The floats are amazing and last year we were singing and dancing as they went by. Harry and Christine put a great meal on and people park at their place and come and go (to warm up and all that). Mathew will be too sick to attend this year so we will have to rvsp for next year, hopefully.

I appreciate those contacting me wondering how we are; the lack of blog posts got some to worrying. It is nice to know you are out there!

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