Yesterday I could not fall asleep no matter how hard I tried.

Today wasn’t a problem. Staying awake was. There’s not much I remember about today as I dozed and snoozed. Mathew fell asleep by 2 pm and we both slept until 10 pm. I met John in the hallway, he off to bed while I headed to the kitchen to make Mathew some breakfast?…lunch? dinner?…or perhaps a mash-up of all three meals. Although wait ~ there is a foggy memory of making him something this morning…

Phooey. It’s all a blur.

Mathew’s pain level seems to have eased up a little; by that I mean he isn’t in the agony of the last 2 days. Once that settles down then the work begins to turn his clock back to our normal cycle.

I haven’t called the Oncologist yet for a possible update to what treatment she intends for Mathew. It is better to wait until I have the strength to deal with his emotions once he learns what is being planned. When I’m exhausted there aren’t any energy reserves left to calmly handle his fear/outburst/terror.

Did I ever mention that Mathew’s medication is giving him a bad case of the burps? The only person I know whose own records surpasses his is my unlucky sister, Susan. Due to some medical problem she could belch out a window without a pause. My fondest memory is hearing this earth-shattering noise blow out of this pretty woman dressed so fine in her wedding dress. It destroyed that perfect image which has never recovered by the way. I swore to her that I would never eat out in public with her if she made that noise…did I keep the promise, sister? Well, your nephew isn’t nearly as ferocious as you but impressive nonetheless. I have started to rate the belches which are frequent and incredibly long. So far he has made it to a 7 on the Richter scale. The family doctor believes it is due to the morphine slowing down the digestive system; Mathew managed to perform almost on cue at his last appointment. It is easy to track down where he is; just wait for it. There is no indignity that cancer passes up. There is so much more to the whole treatment that has side effects to make the patient’s life miserable; for some, even long after treatment. Those who finish with minimal side effects may not realize just how lucky they are.

My intention to blog about our recent trip to Disney World is being thwarted by our latest schedule. I’m either too tired to make much sense in writing or I’m busy with the few fully functional hours I have. So I’m going to post a picture of our trip each time and sneak it in that way.


Today’s photo happened just prior to our Disney trip. My youngest sister, Dominique, flew out to see us for a short weekend in August. It was so lovely to see her; she had popped in for an afternoon 2 weeks prior to this and that was the first time I’d seen her in 12 years.

Dominique and Kristen, August 2015

Dominique and Kristen, August 2015

Last time I saw her she was about Kristen’s age of 21. Now she is 36 and all.grown.up. Talk about feeling OLD! She is such a beautiful, warm, outgoing, lovely woman. It was wonderful to spend time with her. Kristen and I showed her a couple of sights around Saint John on this particularly hot and muggy day. She had the energy to go-go-GO. I kept up through the amazing technology of a vehicle – by driving her around!

Dominique spent a lot of time with Mathew and they developed an instant rapport. Mathew is eager to see her again. There aren’t a lot of people in his immediate circle right now as his pain levels keep him from enjoying a normal existence. We were delighted that he bonded with her so well.

I made Julia Child’s Creamy Chicken Breast recipe with Spatzle for dinner to celebrate. It is an easy dish to make with a little practise and tastes phenomenal. The spatlze is a noodle dish I first tasted when John and I lived in Germany. Sometimes I make it from scratch but our local Sobey’s stocks a package that is as good as my homemade recipe. I always make gravy for John and Kristen to eat with it, while Mathew eats his with a bit of margarine or the cream sauce during this dinner. Although I love spätzle, lately I’ve discovered it doesn’t make me feel very good after I eat it so *SIGH* I pass it up now.

Dominique is also the aunt who purchased the VIP day excursion at Disney for Mathew (and by default) and us. Her extreme generosity gave us a priceless day of happiness for all of us that words can never adequately express. Next post will start covering our trip and that wonderful day.

Mathew and I just finished watching another “horror” movie and that is a loose description of tonight’s choice. Mathew decided we should watch a scary movie a night in honour of Halloween coming up. It is his favourite holiday but this year we are forgoing his annual party (his friends are disappointed too). Mathew’s health is unpredictable and it is quite likely he will be in some kind of treatment by then.

Back to tonight’s movie: So I Married an Axe Murderer. It is an older Mike Myer’s movie and one that I was vaguely curious about. It is from around the 1990s (sorry I’m to lazy to check) and it had typical Mike Myer’s comedy scattered throughout. It was likeable and won’t give me nightmares like some of the others – last night being an example of gross-out horror.

Last night’s pick was “The People Under the Stairs”. I’d never seen it and Mathew was curious about it. The gore and storyline were shocking. I didn’t want to sleep after seeing that for fear of the ever-present nightmares invading my dreams. I get nightmares nightly, whether due to medication or our situation is unclear but sleep isn’t something I look forward to anymore. Have any of you seen this horror flick? The story focuses around a young boy from a bad neighbourhood who is trying to keep his family from being evicted from their apartment (although if I was the last family in that building I wouldn’t wait to be evicted it was so run down and broken). He gets drawn into a situation and actually has an entirely lucid moment early on where he tells himself “Hell NO, I’m out of here” and starts to act on it…but he ends up turning back. It’s downhill from there.

The movie is not for the faint of heart or those who pass out at the sight of blood. I’m talking to you Aunt Linda and Kristen! Don’t worry Linda; when you come down to visit we’ll make sure the scary movie is tame. Very tame. Like Mr. Roger’s tame.

As for me? My sleep will never be the same!!