Mathew seems to be on a downswing as today is the 4th day he hasn’t eaten. He is also just sleeping around the clock. It is very difficult to watch but there isn’t anything else we can do.

It is now over 3 months since he went to the ER and the time is passing too fast. How did three months go so fast? TOO fast? In other households people are making plans for vacation, for big events… but at our house I want time to stand still. I want it to go back, in fact. It is speeding much too quickly and it is with dread I look at the calendar each day.

Today is a day I don’t even want to talk to anyone. It kicks me in the gut that Mathew is sicker and each of these sleep and no eat periods is just another decline I don’t want to see.

Rather than extend my gloominess out farther, I will just sign off. I just really want to go back to Mathew’s room and just hang out. Just watch him. Too soon I will never be able to do that again and I can’t stand it.

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